We need to talk

This will not get settled on the Internet.

Nothing will change unless we change it.

If you come to Baltimore, message me and we’ll have coffee.

I tweet occasionally. I am back on Tumblr here.


  1. Dal Maxwell · · Reply

    Cathy – (I’m loathe to use Bug even though you use it freely) I won’t be in Baltimore anytime soon but I have been meaning to write to you, AS A TRANS WOMAN.

    I hafta say that I don’t disagree with some of the things you have to say; although I’m not yet sure whether the cure isn’t worse than the disease. Let me TRY to explain my point here: I’m seriously with you on things like gross, arrogant, pushy violations of women’s space. I was raised by a bunch of intelligent feminists, all of whom happened to be Reform (aka liberal) Jews; from my great-grandmothers on down. So I kinda have a moderate view on MOST things. I embrace a laissez-faire attitude about issues that don’t get into MY face. So where’s this going?

    I could never figure out why it was so imprtant for avowed hardcore trans women to not see the fallacy in FIGHTING to inhabit women’s space. I used to laugh at the reports of trans women trying to bully their way into places like Michigan. And why you would want to go ANYWHERE that you are reviled almost at the same level as (forgive me for this analogy) Hitler.

    But at the same time, Cathy, I have to wonder how we got into such a place where the acrimony is so toxic it approaches nuclear. Now I know this doesn’t give me a free pass, but in my previous incarnation, I was aware very early about the brutality that goes on. My crew and I had many safe places and we DID pluck many women out of harm’s way (totally with their permission) and did keep them from getting beaten and raped until we could resettle them safely. All on our dime. Nothing was expected other than they would take measures to protect themselves from similar circumstances in the future.

    But as I said, that doesn’t entitle me to a free pass. And frankly, you ladies are all way too militant for me. The women I hang out with, mostly lesbians, are a more moderate lot. Many of us belong to the same Synagogue. We play Mah Jongg, dine out, attend baseball games and hockey matches and just hang out. You know….normal life stuff. Which IS my point.

    I get really sick of trans women portraying themselves as breathy, willowy, demure (pretty hard to believe with a 225 pound 6 footer ya know), who develops a SUDDEN affiniity for pussy cats, flowing dresses, and pinky-out teas. I think that too many trans women develop a carricature of womanhood and don’t realize that transition is not a whole human being make-over. I’m with you all on that. But really……..does it have to come down to the threats of violence? The rhetoric flow is astounding at times.

    Yep, I WOULD love to be able to sit down and chat with you; I suspect you are a seriously smart and kinda funny human being when you aren’t railing against the myriad sins of trans women. Hell……..I’d almost be glad to get you on my little weekly public affiars radio broadcast, hoping things wouldn’t get out of hand. See……I’m not afraid of you. You can’t hurt me because life already took care of that. Between catastrophic illnesses, multiple near death experiences (NOT said for dramatic affect) and my own personal history, I figure I am now at a place where I can be at peace, so why would I invite uber-turbulence in by trying to muscle my way into space that I don’t even want to occupy?

    This all has come out kinda stream-of-consciousness, the way I think. Maybe you’re scratching your head wondering what THIS crazy bitch is on about; maybe you get it. My ONE question to you is this: Do you know that not all trans women are nuts? Honestly! But that is just MY opinion and subject to debate/dispute. I hope that you and your friends are not so blinded to the fact that we don’t ALL want to be like/with you; we just want to peacefully co-exist. I didn’t become friends with lesbians so I could ‘break in’, I do so because since I was 4 I had two problems, I couldn’t see myself as a boy no matter how much I tried, and I never developed a particular liking for men (because of aspects of my own history). Does that put me on your level? Nope! Would I understand your collective anger better than most? Mostly because I am hyper socially aware. But again, that’s not my free pass.

    I really would like to hear what you have to say to this, keeping in mind that I am not angling to be your new BFF. Already have one. And if you reallly want to know what my deal is, although I do take a pro-trans stance in my news segments, you can always stream me on Tuesdays from 1:00 – 1:30 p.m. eastern at http://www.wmpg.org.

    Thanx for taking the time to read thru this; assuming of course, that you didn’t hit delete after the first paragraph. I look forward to your reply, even though I’m guessing you get sick of getting letters from us for most any reason.


    Daralyn (Dal) Maxwell

    1. Yes, I know that not all trans women are nuts. Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Bluecat · · Reply

    Hi Cathy. Just sending you this – apparently the new frontline in the UK, after equal marriage, is to deny spouses the right to be consulted about their marriage being changed to a same-sex one. In other words, amend the law so the spouse who is transitioning need not tell the other spouse what’s going on, but can get the legal status of the marriage changed without the other’s knowledge. I’ve posted an initial reponse here – it certainly looks as if trans rights trump everyone else’s.

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